Help Desk Humor

Friday, July 11, 2003

Frustrations
Miss HD is going to vent for a moment. The hardest part about being IS in a non-IS department is that the actual IS department does not view you as such. I call the "real" help desk and ask for a contact name and they refuse to give it to me. Yeah - because I'm stupid. It's very frustrating. I tried to explain to her that I do work with this person and have the tools to send them tasks and she blathers on about this and that speaking of urgent issues - and I wanted to say, "if this was an urgent issue, I would not be wasting my time talking to you."

alright - rant over. Back to our normal humor.

Third times a charm
User calls me laughing. I ask her what is wrong and she informs me she cannot get into XXXX. She says she did not forget her password, she has it written down, but apparently, when she was changing and confirming her password, she made a typo - TWICE.

¶ 11:11 AM

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Caller ID
Please note, Miss HD does not have a caller ID on her desk phone. She does not know who you are or where you are located or your extension. Miss HD is not a psychic nor does she profess to be one. Please keep this in mind before you get angry when Miss HD asks for your name, number and location.

Thank you.

¶ 2:30 PM

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Well - Miss Help Desk was off work today - slept till noon! BUT I can't leave you all hanging in the middle of the week (like I know you are *snickering*)

When the light is green it is on.
Believe it or not, these two things happened in the same day. Must be something in the water.

User calls me and says her computer just won't work. She has rebooted several times and her screen remains black. It won't go.

I walk downstairs, turn the monitor on and believe it or not, it works.

Another user calls me later that day and says her printer isn't working. She has sent several jobs to it and it just won't print. She says she checked to make sure it was plugged in and on, but it wouldn't work.

I go downstairs and look at the printer. She laughs again and says "It's plugged in, I checked." I lean around the printer and flip the switch, the green light flashes and believe it or not, the printed pages begin to pour out. How long was this thing off?

hehehe - amazing - I get paid to turn stuff on.

¶ 5:45 PM

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

MEMO: All Vacations are Cancelled Until Further Notice
OK - maybe this isn't a real memo - but it should be. Today, I heard the ever-so-popular:

I went on vacation and now I can't remember my password

I asked User my famous question "what is your username?" User tells me her network password. I say "that's your network, I need the one for XXXX." User gives me another username. I say "that's your ######### username."

Silence on the other end of the phone.

"User?"

"Yeah, I went on vacation and can't remember my username. Oh, here it is, right in front of me in big red letters. Could you still reset my password?"

NO VACATION FOR YOU! *said in soup nazi (Seinfeld reference)*

But I can't email you...
A friend I used to work with just stopped by. Nice gal.

We spent a little time catching up on kids and family and so forth. She filled out an application to come back to work here. She said she'd email me but wasn't sure how.

I said - give me your email address, I'll send you something.

I can't.

why.

because I don't know my email address.

do you know how to send out an email?

yeah.

here *writes down email address* send me an email and then I'll email you back and tell you your email address.

cool.

Blogathon Theme
Well - going to start off with begging for money LOL if you wish to sponsor me in this year's blogathon, I'd really appreciate it. You can sponsor me by clicking the appropriate link on the right hand side of the screen - you can also read about it here: BLOGATHON.

Next order of blogathon business - I need sponsors. LOL

just kidding - actually, I was going to let you all know that Miss HD is going to share.

The idea of the blogathon is that I have to post something every 30 minutes for 24 hours - this is so you know I'm still awake. I have decided to do the following for that day: continue silly stories BUT as a bonus, tips and tricks for your computer and specified softwares.

This is where you come in - send me an email with your computer questions - I'll answer them during the blogathon on July 26th - sometime during the 24 hours starting 8 am on the 26th.

Obviously, this cannot be urgent computer needs - but questions about things you might want a shortcut for or something you would like to know more about. I know 5 programming languages and over 30 computer softwares from the basics of Notepad and Word to complex report writing softwares like Seagate and Microsoft Access. I am Microsoft Office User Certified (MOUS) and am willing to open up the floodgates to you.

I'm writing stuff up before hand to be more prepared for the "big day," so if you have questions, get your pens ready:

e-mail questions/requests to Miss HD at: miss_helpdesk@yahoo.com

I'm looking forward to them - if I get more than what is needed for the blogathon, I'll just keep answering :-)

¶ 11:39 AM

Monday, July 07, 2003

Before Me...
You know it's going to be a bad day when your boss is in 2 hours before he normally steps foot into the building. It's even worse when he is standing on an odd floor downing a Mountain Dew like it was nobody's business.

Holiday Hangover
I really am not in the mood to be here today. I spent the last 4 days with my family - staying up late, laughing and so forth. For some strange reason, I stayed up WAY too late last night and now I'm sitting here with stacks of reports before me and not an ounce of motivation to even begin working on any of them.

One perk - no calls yet. No strange/baffling emails yet. No walk-ins. Can I call them walk-ins? Is that ok?

Walk-in's it is.

The Relative that Never Stops
We all have them - we prefer to hide them from the rest of society. Well, mine isn't quite in the family yet, but I got an announcement from my mother that this October - he will be in the family.

I have seen this man roughly three times - none of them great places to meet up. The first time I met him was at my uncle's funeral. He came up and hugged me - which of course, for those of you who personally know Miss HD - I wanted to rip his head off and spit down his throat. Miss HD likes her personal space. But, it was a funeral, I accepted this mal form of torture and moved away quickly, herding my children away from him before he attacked again.

After the funeral, he approaches me and says "I hear you are the computer genius of the family." As flattering as this is, I always cringe because I know what is coming next: "I have this new computer and I bought an accounting software for it, but I just can't get it to work. Do you have any ideas?"

What I wanted to say: Sure do there man I just met and can't remember your name. Let me pop right over and take a look 'cuz I'm sure the problem has to be somewhere between the seat and the keyboard.

What I really said: Oh, hmmmm - what software is this?

He told me and I tried to be nice enough to say that I wasn't familiar with that package. Before I had my children herded off at a safe distance, he invited me over to take a look. This is where Miss HD's superior social skills go on autopilot (away from her body) - I looked at him and sais "yeah, sure, I'll pop over sometime" and I laughed. Not really a laugh though - more like a cackle. I finished gathering the children and went to another room to find sanction from this loon.

Next time I meet him - in the hospital as my dad was sick. This time I was trapped - ICU waiting rooms are small. He mentioned it again (mind you this is about two months later). I tried my best to get away with some loopy answer about maybe when dad gets home.

The last time I saw him - my dad's funeral and gathering afterwards. Yes - he mentioned it. I think he might have caught on to my superior social skills and what I was trying to get across... but one can never be too sure.

Now - in less than four months - this schmuck is going to be in my family. I am scared to go to the ceremony for fear that his vows will read: "I love you so much, dear, and want to be part of you forever. And by the way, Miss HD, can you stop over during our honeymoon and check out the PC and that accounting software - we won't be on the computer, it's all yours."

On a more serious note...
I won't get serious often, but now is one of those times.

Please visit the link on the right for the BLOGATHON. I have entered myself and HDH in to raise some money for the Association of International Cancer Research.

Here's the rundown - At 8 am my time on July 26th, I must begin blogging, posting something every 30 minutes. I do this for 24 hours straight. The money sponsored to me, provided I do it - will be given to the charity. It is after the fact that you would be contacted about making your full donation.

I'll be tired. I'll be sore (ok, my fingers will be) ... but I'm going to do it. I'd like to have some sponsors behind me to get some money into this great charity.

My dad died on May 30th of this year. He had both lung and brain cancer. He fought hard and is now at home with our Lord.

Please help me help this charity - writing skills don't get you far unless you are lucky - but this is an opportunity for me to do something with it on a charity level.

Thanks for reading :-)

and now back to our normal silly selves...

¶ 8:38 AM