Help Desk Humor

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Way off topic.... I really do not have a place to ramble without people knowing it's me.... well, except here. So - do humor me today....

I have heard of people who wake in the night to find an apparition of someone they love, or something they don't even know for that matter, standing at the foot of their bed. I only wish I could find out if it was true or not.

You see, my dad died this year. And a lot more has been going on as well - a lot. My husband and I are not getting along very well - something I think that was coming in due time. Who knows.

I am sitting today, in my office, crying. I know you all probably are like "are you a fruitcake?" but really, I am. This morning was a rough morning - words tossed around - words that cut deeper than any weapon anyone could use. He even showed up here to explain himself. But the more he explained, the more he only made his comment earlier in the van more concrete. I don't know what to do anymore. And it feels as if he spends his waking hours trying to think of ways to make me feel more confused - so I do not see what is really in front of me.

So, what does this have to do with apparitions and the like?

I sit here crying, and am praying that I could have a vision of my dad... something to tell me what in God's creation I am supposed to do. Do I be the "honorable wife" and stick it out for how long and just feel this way forever till I die? Or should I leave him? divorce him - some guidance. Any guidance.

Or maybe just a hug to tell me that things will work out in due time. That would be nice.

Its hard being here, alone - the one person that truly unconditionally loved me gone... its hard. I have always been independent. Never really having to worry about making decisions - they seem to come naturally to me. But I am torn with this. My religious "proper" upbringing - or making another attempt at being happy.

I didn't want my kids to be from a broken home. It was never my intent. I never thought I'd be "that" woman. The one that was divorced raising her kids on her own against all odds. I don't want to be that woman - but how is marriage supposed to go?

Are you supposed to say mean things to one another? Are you supposed to feel nothing when you walk around the house and do meaningless chores over and over and over again? Are you supposed to feel anything? How does marriage feel? A real marriage.... one that has lasted - or did it last because it was "supposed to" because vows were said?

How do you know when your marriage is normal? How do you know when it's not?

I don't know....

how about that apparition dad - it would be good right about now.

¶ 9:53 AM

Thursday, October 02, 2003

I'll just go ask Dad. Well... this isn't very funny but actually kind of frustrating.

The other day I get an email from user saying that they couldn't access the #### Website. Ok - that's fine. But I only register them as users - I don't do tech support on this one (wiping brow). I politely tell her that she needs to call the #### support number on her screen.

She is polite - sends an email back "what are you good for anyway :-)"

I'm really kind of hoping that was a joke....

Well - not five minutes later I get a call from the Help Desk line asking about this error on the #### website and if they should forward the DK ticket call to me. I tell her no - I just spoke to her and told her to call this number.

Hmmmmm -

Good technique - but since there is no person A and person B in the circle of #### - she landed right back where she started.

E for Effort.

¶ 10:13 AM

Wow.. where has the time gone? It seems like I just posted a post - and I come back and look - it has been 30 days! My goodness.... Miss HD is slacking!

¶ 10:00 AM

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Which Way is North? *pointing north*
Now - I admit, I am terrible at directions and when someone tells me to twist and turn my way around somewhere, I generally just go the first couple directions then find someone else to harrass. It works - has for 27 years now.

So, I'm sitting here, doing some paper pushing (blech) and a lady is walking by, sees me and does a 180 and comes back.

"Excuse me, do you know where *insert name here*'s office is?"

I smile and begin telling her, "She's on the Fourth Floor so you'd...."

and the lady interrupts me "OK, Fourth floor and just as you get off these elevators?" and points down the hall to the elevators.

So she knew where she was going? hmmmmm

¶ 8:34 AM

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Yeah, that is spectacular - and really neat too
Boy - I've been MIA for a few weeks and now you get two in one day.

Alright, these are my actual emails folks - enjoy.... (as a side note, NNNN is an internet based application)

FIRST EMAIL SENT OUT BY MISS HD
It appears that *name of facility* is experiencing problems with the internet - your NNNN might not let you log in and will give you "Page Cannot Be Displayed."

The problem is being addressed at this time. I will keep you updated on progress and time frames for correction.

EMAIL SENT TO LET EVERYONE KNOW IT'S OK TO GO BACK INTO THE WATER
Internet access is now available - however, you still might experience some problems with logging in. If you do, please wait approximately 5 minutes and try logging in again.

REPLY BACK FROM USER (replying to the second message, not the first)
IS NNNN UP NOW???

hmmmm not sure - but I think that's what I said......

¶ 2:01 PM

God let us invent paper and pens for a reason...
Ok - I believe that if you are only going to do something once, if a person wants to forget, that's fine. Forget.

But - I also think that if this is something you are going to do on a religious basis - why not try taking notes or hmmmm I don't know - taking notes?

User Day One Phone Call: "Miss HD, how do I get excel to print my form on just one page?"
Miss HD Day One Answer: "Well, User" *insert chipper tone* "You would go to File/Page Setup and click the radio button next to print one page wide by one page tall."

User Day Two Phone Call: "Miss HD, how do I get excel to print my form on just one page?"
Miss HD Day Two Answer: "Alright, User" *not so chipper tone* "Go to File/Page Setup and click the radio button next to the print one page whide by one page tall."

User Day Three Phone Call: "Miss HD, how do I get excel to print my form on just one page?"
Miss HD Day Three Answer: "Go to File / Page Setup and click the radio button to print on one page."

User Day Four Phone Call: "Miss HD, how do I get excel to print my form on just one page?"
Miss HD Day Four Answer: "File / Page Setup and click the radio button."

User Day Five Phone Call: "Miss HD, How do I get excel to print my form on just one page?"
Miss HD Day Five Answer: "File / Page Setup. Hey - are you saving this?"
: "No."

Miss HD picks up phone around 9 am and says without hesitation "File / Page Setup."

User laughs.

Miss HD does not.

¶ 10:13 AM

Monday, August 04, 2003

OH THE HUMANITY
Ya know - I pride myself in what patience I do have. I don't have much - so, don't worry about me having pride *laughing*.

Well, today, my face itches. I have gotten approximatley 15 calls from the same person.

Lets pretend you have a grocery list. On that list, you have .... oh, lets say 10 items. Eggs. Milk. Bread. Bananas. Toilet Paper... whatever. You go to the store with the friend under duress - but your friend has promised that you can sit in the car and he/she will get everything. You sit in the car and your friend goes inside - Not five minutes later, your friend returns with nothing in hand.

"Miss Help Desk, can you show me where the Eggs are?"

You get up and go in the store, get the eggs, put them in the cart and go back to the car. Soon - your friend emerges with a bag in her hand with just EGGS in it. He/she asks:

"Miss Help Desk, can you show me where the milk is?"

And you get up and you go inside and you show her where the milk is and you go back to the car.

You seeing a pattern here?

That is what I did today. I do not do the operational side - I can tell you how the application works - but don't ask me to do it for you - I don't know the exact operational process. I know how it goes - not how to send it.

So - all day today a person with instructions in hand "It won't work, can you help me?" Twenty minutes later, instructioins in hand "It won't do this now, can you help me?"

Finally, 6 hours later - we have it up and running and the process complete. Believe it or not - she does this everyday. Not calling me - this is her job... she has done it for two years or so but for some reason, she has forgotten how. And ya know what's funny - the instructions in her hands were one's that I typed up a long time ago - so I know they are detailed cuz I know how I write.

Maybe I should go shopping with her later?

Hope she's eating frozen dinners.

sigh.

¶ 3:23 PM